The following article was written by one of the participants on the last Sweden Wilderness Camp. Next years camp will be held in Sweden in September 2014. There will also be a Devon Camp earlier in the year.
I looked at the LIST. Wrote my own list. Took out all the things I needed. Compared the two lists. My mind struggled. Having to choose between the things I knew I needed when hiking and the LIST. There was not much that separated those two but still…
By the end of the day I threw everything into my backpack not realizing this was the first step outside my comfort zone.
Next morning I repacked my bag so that the content would correspond more to the LIST. Packed myself and junior in the car and drove the 65 km to the meeting point. Mixed feelings, both excited and insecure.
I greeted those I knew with a hug and introduced myself to the unknown. Then all of the foreigners arrived. More unknown people, more handshaking and me feeling more uncomfortable. Mostly because the group doesn´t have a clear structure. I know who the leader is but I´m uncertain of my place in the group…
Orders are given, cars are driven, food is eaten. Some are starting small talk, me too, but only with people I know, I keep to the background.
New orders are given – Buddy Up!
I wasn´t fast enough nor attentive enough so the leader became my buddy. At least you´re safe with him, my mind says, now you don´t have to worry.
The adventure had already started although we hadn´t taken a single step yet. There was an air of uncertainty of what to expect and I guess most of us were outside their comfort zone.
Safety instructions were given, we were taught how to read the map and then we started walking. Feeling obligated to small talk with strangers although I love walking in silence listening to natures sounds. Sharing lingonberries and blueberries and plucking chanterelles along the way.
After quite a walk we arrive at our first stop. A small woodland lake. The sun´s gazing, birds are twittering and even though this is a familiar scenery to me, its beauty strikes me. This is my origin, this is where I belong. But I don´t. Because, we have no longer the ability to live in nature.
My thoughts wander but are disrupted with new orders – this is where we will have our first training session. Breathing. Trying to relax body and mind yet keeping it alert, exploring our comfort zone and the area between it and the panic zone. Trying to become aware of how different feelings affect us – where do they start, can I move them, do they change, how do they affect body and mind? Can I by practice increase the amount of time before the feelings turn into anxiety which moves me towards the panic zone?
All new, all difficult to do and to understand, creating new thoughts and questions marks in my head.
Time becomes abstract and less important. The only important thing is to reach camp before nightfall. An hour flies. The session ends. Some take a quick dip in the lake, some fill up their water bottles and just let themselves be embraced by nature.
Time to break up and continue walking towards the camp. Up hill, down hill, through boggy ground, through thick forest. Next stop a crossing between another lake and a swamp. Water, a quick look at the map and off again.
Up, up and up and then the path flattens and after about an hour we arrive at our camp for the weekend. An old shieling.
Soon it would be dusk so everybody found a spot to put up their bashas or installed themselves in the log cabins available.
The kitchen team tried to fire up the wooden stove, which took quite some time and a lot of smoke and patience. Finally, we could put a kettle on the stove for hot water and coffee as well as the pot for the food.
A wood fired stove equals slow cooked food all weekend, yum…
Night awareness session. It is amazing how much light affects your senses. It makes you rely on your vision. In the night vision doesn´t exist. Hearing, smell, sensibility and your 6th sense are much more needed but so asleep since they´re not used that frequently any more. If this would be for real, I would be dead within a blink… Disorientated, dizzy, struggling with insecurity, struggling with breathing – because in the dark your own breathing makes so much noise that it covers the other sounds that you would like to hear. The sensitivity as to who your attacker is among many others, feeling him or sorting out his footsteps amongst the others… very difficult but nevertheless a very good experience which gave birth to new thoughts, new question marks, new insights and new feelings.
Also a deeper understanding of why fire is so important to man and why it was a breakthrough for humanity – light, warmth, protection…
Sleeping outside is always interesting. Will it be comfortable enough, warm enough, safe enough? Things that even if fulfilled don´t put your mind to rest. Your body is resting but your mind is alert, analyzing every noise and smell, handling feelings that occur, trying to relax, partly succeeding because in the morning you know that you have slept even though it didn´t feel like during the night.
We fire up the wood stove. Morning prep session. Walking. Breathing. Stretching. Wakening your body, letting the mind rest. Just being in the walking and breathing, going through every part of the body, feeling, relaxing, waking up. Actually this is one of the things I miss most about camp. Usually I wake up, hungry like a bear with a mood like a wounded tiger BUT since the prep session started close enough to waking up I became a calmer, nicer person. Still very hungry but not overwhelmed by hunger.
Preparing breakfast. Waiting. Having breakfast. A cup of tea, some porridge and a sandwich. Going to the well for water, putting the kettle on the stove for hot water, waiting, washing up. The pace during the weekend was slow in a calm way, like balm to your soul. There were no moments of unused time, it felt more as if time adjusted itself, or us, to a more natural pace, moment by moment, flowing. Morning prep session, breakfast, training session, lunch, afternoon session, dinner, night session, sleeping time.
In between time to talk, time to think and somehow without noticing the group grew together. Suddenly no one was a stranger, we were coexisting, blending with each other. For this short weekend, that felt like an eternity and a second in one, we were a unity. A lovely group accepting each other, working together, training together, sharing meals together.
A weekend passes so fast and ended by facing one of my most uncomfortable situations, water.
The water session. Cold water. Depriving your breath. Very uncomfortable, very close to panic. I didn´t know I had this fear inside. Searching myself, I know what has caused it and why it has become a fear. Avoiding uncomfortable experiences and situations where you have to face them, turns them into a fear because you don´t deal with it. You look away and in a sharp situation, this could kill you. You stop breathing, you stop thinking, you stop functioning, you panic and BAM! you’re caught…
Then a quick goodbye to everyone. Sad but filled with many magic moments. A memory of a weekend too good to be true!
Katja Hanzic. October 13.
Please contact me if you are interested in attending next years seminars.
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